so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
