On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
