i barfeds in our rink
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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