he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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