So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
