your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
