That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
