mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
