worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
