Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
