i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you guys were way drunker than both of me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
