Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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