My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
