Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
