Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
