You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
