DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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