It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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