He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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