i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
