She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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