wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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