we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
