So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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