the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
