I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
