i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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