3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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