imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
