I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
