I feel great
I just peed on a car
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
third nipple confirmed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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