i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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