Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
