pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
