We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she told me i tasted like america
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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