i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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