saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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