Umm I'm too high to move.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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