does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
