Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
