I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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