now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
