I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
