she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its not stalking. its research.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
