Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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