i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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