it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
