is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Panties = found
Randomize
