I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
