He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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