Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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