You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
