I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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