Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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